I'm lost and stupid without you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
