Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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