He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
