All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
