Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
