Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
