She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
