CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
