I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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