Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
