I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
