Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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