I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
