On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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