You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
