respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
