forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
