I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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