She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
