before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize