If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
