awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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