brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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