office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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