Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
