I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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