I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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