the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
