Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this beer tastes like vomit already
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Everyone says I win the strip club
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
