I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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