You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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