Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
