How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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