I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We have so much sex to catch up on
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
