I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
