The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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