oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
