I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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