Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
