Welp...herpes.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
