Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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