worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
