I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
