I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
