just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
