don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
