When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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