You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Found your dick twin last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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