I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
