guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
