I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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