help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
