Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
