I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
