I wish I could teleport
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
