planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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