Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
