So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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