i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
