If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
