Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
