Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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