All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
