dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
