And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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