Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
