Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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