I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
