It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize