...so i touched it.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
