Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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