dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
